By Warren David Horak

Love Is Not Selfish

The cornerstone of love is that, LOVE is NOT selfish.

The root of all darkness and destruction on earth is the root of self.

This is why Jesus starts our journey off by instructing us to deny ourselves on a daily basis.

We will only be Free to the degree we deny ourselves.

Luke 9:23–25 Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.

24 For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.

25 For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost?

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Introduction

Today, we continue our journey through the 16 facets of love, focusing on one of the most powerful yet challenging aspects: love is not selfish.

Selfishness lies at the root of so much destruction, and as we explore this facet of love, we will uncover the profound impact that denying self can have on our spiritual lives. 

Jesus teaches us to lay down our rights, not to seek our own, and in doing so, we will align with God’s perfect love.

Let’s delve into this truth, using scripture to illuminate each step of the way, as we seek to uproot selfishness and embrace the pure facets of love.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NKJV

The Battle Against Selfishness

The essence of love is that it “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Selfishness is the enemy's tool, driving us to seek our own desires, rights, and ways.

But God calls us to a higher standard, where love is selfless and sacrificial.

We see this in John the Baptist’s message when he says,

"Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!" (Matthew 3:2). 

Repentance is the axe laid at the root of selfishness, severing it to make way for God’s love. Without this foundation, there is no true love.

The Facets of Love – A Deeper Understanding

As we examine the "facets of love," it’s essential to grasp that love is not simply a feeling but a choice to lay down our lives.

Jesus demonstrated this when He laid down His life for us (John 15:13).

The tree of knowledge of good and evil, which brought sin into the world, symbolizes self-seeking. It’s this very selfishness that Jesus came to uproot from our hearts through the cross.

When Eve took the fruit from the tree, she acted in selfishness, thinking only of her gain, as it was "pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise" (Genesis 3:6).

Adam, standing by, did nothing to stop her. This selfish act opened their eyes, not to good, but to a fallen state, which humanity has grappled with ever since.

The Root of Sin: Self-Centeredness

At the heart of sin is self. Whether it’s pride, greed, or envy, all these sins trace back to self-centeredness.

The Bible warns us in James 3:16, "For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there." 

Self-seeking opens the door to confusion and chaos, which are the very opposite of God’s order and love.

This is why Jesus calls us to deny ourselves.

In Luke 9:23, He says, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." 

Denying self is the key to walking in the true facets of love. Only when we lay down our selfish desires can we fully embrace the love of God.

Self-Confidence vs. God-Confidence

The world often tells us to be self-confident, but scripture teaches us otherwise.

We are called to place our confidence in God, not in ourselves.

Proverbs 3:26 reminds us, "For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught."

True confidence comes from reliance on God, not from building ourselves up.

The enemy wants us to build our identity on self, but God’s love calls us to place our identity in Him.

Paul tells us in Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me." 

This is the essence of denying self—realizing that our life is now hidden in Christ, and it’s His life that we live through love.

The Trap of Knowledge Without Love

One of the most deceptive traps is knowledge without love.

Many seek knowledge, thinking it will bring them power or control.

But 1 Corinthians 8:1 warns us, "Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies."

Pursuing knowledge without the foundation of love only leads to pride.

It’s love that builds up and leads us to true wisdom.

The tree of knowledge of good and evil symbolizes this pursuit of knowledge for selfish gain.

Adam and Eve’s decision to eat from this tree wasn’t about love; it was about selfish ambition.

Today, the world still chases after knowledge, but without the love of God, it becomes destructive.

God’s Wisdom vs. Worldly Wisdom

James 3:17 gives us a contrast between the wisdom of God and worldly wisdom:

"But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy." 

This is another one of the facets of love—God’s love is pure and willing to yield.

Worldly wisdom, on the other hand, is self-seeking and full of pride.

It’s the same wisdom that caused Adam and Eve to fall.

But God’s wisdom leads to peace and gentleness, traits that are the very opposite of selfishness.

To walk in love, we must choose God’s wisdom over the wisdom of the world.

Selfishness and Fear – A Deadly Combination

Where there is selfishness, fear is not far behind.
Fear is rooted in self-preservation.

But the Bible tells us, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear" (1 John 4:18).

When we operate out of selfishness, we are constantly in fear—fear of losing what we have, fear of others getting ahead of us, fear of failure.

But God’s love frees us from all fear because it’s no longer about us; it’s about Him.

In Matthew 6:25-26, Jesus teaches us not to worry, saying,

"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?" 

When we trust in God’s love, we are released from the selfish worries that plague us, and we find peace.

Denying Self to Find Life

Jesus gave us the ultimate key to life when He said in Matthew 16:25,

"For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."

This is one of the deepest facets of love—losing self to find true life in Christ.

The world teaches us to seek after our own desires, to build our own lives, but Jesus teaches the opposite.

The way to abundant life is through self-denial.

By laying down our lives, we find the life that God has for us, filled with His love, peace, and joy.

The Power of Surrender

One of the most powerful facets of love is surrender.

When we surrender our will to God, we allow His love to flow through us. Jesus modeled this for us in the Garden of Gethsemane when He prayed, "Not My will, but Yours, be done" (Luke 22:42). 

In that moment, Jesus surrendered completely to the Father’s will, and through that surrender, He demonstrated the ultimate act of love—laying down His life for us.

Surrender is not a one-time act; it’s a daily decision.

We must continually surrender our selfish desires, choosing to walk in the love of God.

Every time we surrender, we grow in the facets of love, becoming more like Christ.

Conclusion: Walking in the Facets of Love

As we reflect on this teaching, it’s clear that the "facets of love" are far-reaching, touching every area of our lives.

To truly walk in love, we must deny ourselves, uproot selfishness, and embrace the wisdom and love of God.

It’s not an easy journey, but it’s the path that leads to life.

We are called to live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself for us (Ephesians 5:2).

When we walk in love, we are free from the bondage of selfishness, fear, and pride.

We are no longer seeking our own, but seeking God’s will, trusting that His love will guide us every step of the way.

Let us pray that God will continue to reveal the facets of love in our lives, helping us to surrender daily and walk in the fullness of His love.

As we do, we will experience the abundant life that He has promised, free from the burdens of self and filled with His peace and joy.

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