Christian Courtship Process

Building a partnership/marriage is like building a house; the most important part of building a house is the plan and the foundation. The partnership preparation or Christian courtship process takes a careful look at the plan and starts by checking, testing and building the foundation for the relationship.

Free downloadable questionnaire at the end

The better the plan and the stronger the foundation, the stronger the building will be and the more chance for a successful marriage there will be.

The primary goal of this process is; to help those who are called to prepare for their marriage so they can get married fully prepared in Gods perfect will and timing.

The secondary goal is also help believers avoid getting into the wrong partnerships.

Marriage is one of the most important decisions of our lives, as it will affect many people for eternity.

Therefore it's very important to not rush into things and to take wise counsel each step of the way. The difficulty is not just finding the right partner, but getting in harmony with them and the Lord.

Why go through this courtship process?

The courtship and premarital counselling is there to help both people to do God's perfect will for their lives. Before entering into the courtship process there needs to be some evaluation and testing that comes first.

This is where we build the friendship with the other person we feel attracted to. Once you feel you are both interested in getting married and you know it is Gods will for you; then you can start with the courtship questionnaire.

The key to this process is agreement; each step of the process will test the agreement and unity of the couple. The more agreement the stronger the relationship will be.

This process is a sifting process to make sure the people are really called by the Lord to be married, for those who are called to be ready and equipped to be married. As we go through this process it is a time of counting the cost.

Count the cost

Before building a marriage, the relationship needs to be tested to see if both parties are willing to pay the price that is needed for a godly marriage and family. God does not force anyone to get married, He gives each person a choice.

We need to count the cost so we can make the right decisions.

At anytime either party can withdraw from the process without condemnation; as once you are married there is no way out. If it is the will of God and you have passed the test, it will become clearer and clearer to all involved that it is His perfect will and timing for you to get married.

Remember, many are called, but few are chosen - Matthew 22:14

There is a principle in the Kingdom of testing that comes before the final selection. There are tests you go through before the Lord will promote you to the next level. 

You might be called to be married yet you still have to be chosen. Before the choosing and approval of the Lord for the wedding, the couple need to pass the tests the Lord has designed, to get them ready for marriage and fulfilling the calling of God on both their lives.

We will only be compatible to the degree that we are prepared to follow Jesus in all things.

Avoid the traps

We are all human and tend to pretend or put our best foot forward in the early part of any relationship. Each relationship needs time to be tested, to see the “real” person manifest.

Some people hide serious issues in order to get married. Once they are married all the masks come off and the other partner is shocked to see the “real” person come out of hiding.

This is a trap that needs to be avoided and exposed.

Through this courtship preparation process each person is tested to see if they want to be free before the marriage, if they do, then they can seek the Lord to be set free. This is the pre-marriage test.

Only once this test has been passed, the couple is truly compatible. Both their hearts are now ready to be set free and do whatever Father wants. If either one still wants to hold on to some flesh, then this will not change in the marriage either.

This is what causes most divorces; when both or one partner decides not to let go of some flesh which is the nature of sin in our bodies.

It is better to go through some tests before the marriage as you can still withdraw before the marriage.

But once you are married there is no way out as the covenant is for the rest of your life on this earth. If there one partner in the marriage later decides to break the covenant and divorce this will great devastation especially to the innocent children. 

When is the right time to get married?

Just because it is Gods will for two people to be married, it doesn’t mean that they will ever be ready to get married.

It has taken the Lord nearly two thousand years to prepare His Bride for marriage, why would we want to go into marriage unprepared?

If you skip the test and just get married as many do, you will have to write and pass the tests in your marriage. Your partner might not be interested in passing the tests once they have got what they want, which is a marriage partner.

You might currently be in love, but this feeling of euphoria will eventually depart, and now you are left with what you really believe and what your partner really believes. Before the marriage starts, is the best time to test what you and your partner really believe and stand for.

You cannot change your partner when you are married.

Only the Lord can change them, and only if they are prepared to submit to Him. Some people will never change as they are not prepared to submit to the Lord. This time of preparation is an excellent time to see if your partner is prepared to allow the Lord to change them.

Some people get married with the false belief that they will change their partner when they are married.

If they won’t change now for Jesus, Who is perfect and Who died for them, then why will they change for you with all your imperfections, that they can so clearly see?

This is a time of preparation of the foundation for the building to prepare the couple for their marriage and ministry as a team.

The key at this time is their friendship. So that by the time the couple get married they are ready to move forward in unity having sorted out the main areas of conflict before the marriage starts.

The will of God and His timing is so important. One of the hardest things to discern is timing; we need to clearly discern the timing of the marriage. Timing is largely determined by our readiness/ preparation.

The main focus of this preparation phase is the synchronisation of the couple, so they can mature from being a couple into walking as a harmonious team.

Once they are a team, they are ready to get into partnership so they can take off as one unit in marriage, propelled in the power like a rocket into the purposes of God.

I trust the Lord will help you follow Him through this process and get married to the right partner and the right time. The best way to tackle this is through the Christian Courtship Process.



While discussing the process of walking together and courtship; the Lord gave us a vision of an athletics track.

On the running tracks were couples and each couple was running at a different “stage” in the running tracks, in a different place.

Some had just started, some were already far along and close to what I saw like a finish line, but looking like a start sign at the same time.

The individuals all were wearing numbers as you wear them in long distance runs.

All their numbers read “444”. When 444 and 444 come together they become 888!

New beginnings and covenant.

The couples were walking together, at least three different couples, and the first couple was already at running stage, very focused on the road ahead. Their faces were up and looking ahead, not down and looking at the feet and the road beneath them.

The couple behind that was trying to get their feet sorted in walking together, and they were very focused on their feet, not the road. Behind them was a couple just starting out in the starting blocks.

These couples, especially the one couple that is close to finish line, are joined at hip and shoulder in the process, and right before they pass through the golden ribbon, they are joined at the heart.

There was a golden ribbon at the “finish” line. As the couple walks through it together, the golden ribbons ties them together, and they are now one.

The circle (running track) they had been running all this time, now became an open road ahead, but a very narrow one.

They had to walk very closely together to stay together and in the same pace. They continued the path, but at a RUNNING pace.

Each couple are at different speeds in the running tracks.

Right before the finish line, and the start sign, they are running. In the beginning of the running tracks I saw them walking together, and the further along in the running tracks they got, the more speed they caught and the more in line with each other they got.

They were running in “sync” more and more.

Heard the Lord saying, while seeing this

Test walk, test run, test run!

It is all about running together, not just walking together.

The walk from friendship, to courtship, to marriage, is a path that goes from walking together, to running together, to covenant.

What was clear in the vision is was how INLINE with each other the feet of the couples had to be. 

You cannot run when you are not in line with each other.

You might be able to walk, but the test is whether you can run, and whether you can run in sync.

Do you have the endurance for the long distance, and, are you able to keep the same pace?

Where are you running, are you running toward the same goal?

Download Free Marriage Compatibility Questionnaire 

Find out if you ready for marriage by doing the Marriage Compatibility Test for Christians

Father's Heart Admin